Being present and intentional

The past few months I have done a type of social experiment.

I've observed people in group settings, I've watched people in one on one situations, and I've observed my own interactions with people.

My conclusion? Social media and having technology at our fingertips is turning us into a rude, narcissistic, and absent society.

I'm guilty of this (or, I was more guilty of this before making my observations. I'm much better now, but I'm sure I was pretty awful before).

Here are some examples of things I've seen.

1. I'll be at the park or playground with my kiddos. Around me are kids playing and having fun. While the kids are playing, the parents have their phones out and are simply not present. While their kids are begging for mom to "look at me!", they get unenthusiastic "That's nice" without even a glance up. That's super hard to observe, and even harder when I realize that sometimes I'm that person. I'm sure that whatever is going on on Facebook is simply not as amazing or interesting as the fact that our kids are experiencing life right in front of us.

2. Date night. Sam and I haven't been great about date night lately. Part of it is simple busyness, part of it is tight finances (do you know how much it costs to get a sitter for three kids? Yikes!!), and part of it is just how fast things are flying by. The other night I was out with friends and I saw a couple sitting at dinner. They were young, probably in their late 20's/early 30's and it was a nicer place. But, this couple both had their phones out and weren't even talking to each other. No conversation at all. I am super blessed to have a hubby who puts his phone away and looks me in the eye on a regular basis. But, the more I see, the less people are actually engaging with one another. We prefer to be online, passively living life.

3. Finally, group settings. I am noticing more and more that people don't interact with each other face to face. I teach Junior High regularly, and the students that have phones will sit next to each other and text other people. They don't talk to each other, they don't ask how each other are doing, they sit on their phones or listen to their ipods. But, it's not just Jr. High students. I went to the movies the other night with a large group of women. We were there early (about two hours early) and a friend and I observed the the majority of the people in the theater were sitting on their phones and not talking to the people who were sitting with them. It was actually frustrating because the whole reason I went to the movie was to hang out with people I don't normally see, but most of them were disengaged).

It's sad. It's sad because I'm noticing that we (as a society) are becoming satisfied with shallow relationships. Facebook gives us a small glimpse into someone's life, but we think that by looking at their short updates we know everything about what is going on. Not many people are willing to go deep with people, and we don't let people in to the deeper, gross parts of our lives.

Plus, when people try to speak into those gross parts of our lives, we push them away and think that they are judging us, when really we are trying to be genuine friends.

Or, we do what is called "vague-booking". Where we put something on our status such as, "I hate the world. You know what you did wrong to me. Why can't you grow up?" And then tell people to mind their own business when asked what's wrong, instead of saying to someone's face, "Hey, you know what, when you said that thing you did, you hurt my feelings." We don't know how to have real relationships anymore!

All of that to say. Lately I have been very intentional about how I spend my time. I have been present with my kiddos, I've been present with my hubby, and I'm trying to be present for my friends. I realize that friendship is more than liking something on Facebook or writing a quick note on a wall. Friendship is getting in the trenches with our friends. It's listening to their hearts, learning what makes them tick, and being there for them.

It's putting the phone down (even texting during face to face conversations), and listening. It's being present and intentional.

I feel like this is a bit disjointed, but it's a blog post that's been rolling around in my scattered brain lately.

On another note. The rumors are true! We are currently expecting our 4th little one, due the beginning of July, 2013. I believe this will be the final installment of the Grummons family, but we are excited. I was hoping to tell people before it went on facebook, but Sam outed me before that could happen, so I hopefully got everyone. I did tell people at the movies, which was nice because a lot of my favorite people were there that night. :) I'm currently feeling super tired and slightly sick, but the heart beat looked great and everything else is on par for the course. The older boys are excited, and Benjamin has no idea that his throne as the baby is going to be overthrown. :)

He loves deeply

My children are passionate about life. They play hard, sleep hard, and love each other fiercely.

So far, Aaron is the epitome of loving deeply.

This kid is passionate. I always joke that if he had a font it would be caps lock because everything is SO EXCITING!

For example, Aaron is a fan of one of my youth leaders, Derek. He has been known to stand up in a crowd when he sees Derek on video and yell, "I WOVE Derek!!!" (We're working on the speech issue).

Of course, he also has his moments of shyness and will hide his face in my arm when Derek walks up and refuses to look him in the eye. We're working on social skills too. Give him a break, he's 3.

For some reason Aaron has been fixated on death lately. I'm not sure if he's just trying to wrap his head around the idea, or if preschool has emphasized the death and resurrection of Jesus a lot lately, either way, he is very distressed with the idea that someday we will all die (I don't believe in lying to my kids about the realities of our mortality. I do keep it age appropriate, but I won't tell my kid that Sam or I will never die, I feel like that could come back and bite me in the butt). So, last night he was lying in bed while we were getting ready to say our prayers and he became so very sad that someday I would die. We moved past it pretty quickly though.

This morning, though, we were driving home from our annual Monday trip to the Happiest Place on Earth when I heard sobbing from the back seat. I asked Aaron what was wrong and he said, "I miss Daddy! I love him SO MUCH! I love him to the sun and back!"

He calmed down when I reminded him that Daddy works in the kitchen now, so we would see him in 5 minutes. Sure enough, the minute we got home, Aaron ran into the house and I heard his little voice, "Daddy! I wove you to the sun and back!"

I love that my children have yet to become jaded. I love that they haven't yet gotten hurt to where they feel the need to guard their hearts from being broken and destroyed. I know that part of life involves being hurt, either by friends who unintentionally hurt our feelings, by bullies who use the words that will wound them deeply, or by the reality that sometimes life just stinks.

But, for now, I enjoy that my children love deeply. I love that when I sit next to Aaron he immediately covers me up with the blanket he's using and says, "Oh! You want to cuddle with me, Mommy?" I love that Benjamin gives kisses and hugs and does so without any prompting. I also love that even though he's big now (6 is OLD!), that Nathaniel will still give me hugs and kisses in the privacy of our house.

Not to mention my rockin' hubby!

I'm blessed. :)

An explanation

I feel the need to explain why Sam is getting out of the Army now.

Since he's been in for nearly 14 years, we get a lot of, "Why aren't you retiring? It's only 6 more years! You really are missing out!" Mostly from people who either don't know everything that is involved in Sam staying in the Army, people who don't know what we've experienced in the Army National Guard and people who just don't know how Army benefits work.

Even though Sam has been on some sort of Active Duty Orders (meaning that he's worked full time for the army as his Monday through Friday job, plus 2 deployments and schooling) for about 4 1/2 years (give or take some) he would only be eligible for a National Guard retirement check when he reaches retirement age. That is a small amount of money that he would receive in 30 years for 6 more years of service. That could possibly be three more deployments. It's not worth it.

Last night we had the Division Dining Out. This is where everyone dresses up in their dress blues (and the women wear formal wear) and we all eat dinner together and listen to high ranked people give speeches. This year was the first year I actually wasn't bored to tears because the two men who spoke were actually interesting. One was retiring, and the other was being promoted. What was most interesting was listening to Sam's peers (all men who he worked in the office with the past two years and a few people he deployed to Kosovo with). They kept giving Sam flak for getting out, but they were all super impressed and incredibly supportive of him. They realize that IBM is a great job for him, and they are all still playing the bureaucratic games of the Army which is royally screwing some of them over. For example, one officer really wanted to be transferred to a unit in San Diego because he felt like that would help him advance. Instead of giving him that transfer, they picked a guy who wanted to stay put and transferred him instead. As a bonus, they are sending that unit to Afghanistan so...there you go!

I've never been a fan of Sam being gone. I've hated every single drill weekend, every month he's been gone, and loathed deployments. I've never been a "rah rah rah!" kind of Army wife. I appreciate the benefits, but at the end of the day I've always said that I would rather struggled and have my husband home than not be worried and have him gone. So, I have always chalked up my complaints of Sam's experience in the Army as me being a baby.

At least I did until last night when one of Sam's former office mates told me that Sam was getting out at a good time and that the Army really stuck it to him while he was in. Apparently two deployments like Sam had is unusual.

For the record, I have appreciated the benefits. It was nice having really great health insurance that was inexpensive for us. I also really appreciate the good car insurance and the pay checks. But, when people point those things out and say that we owe the Army for that, it doesn't compute for me. Sam has health insurance through IBM right now, but that doesn't mean that we owe IBM our lives, it simply means that IBM appreciates their employees and so they provide them with benefits. It's part of the perks of having a regular job. To say we don't want to be a part of the Army culture any more is not saying I didn't appreciate those things.

Here is the list of things that Sam has missed because of his Army National Guard duties.

• My undergrad graduation.
• The deaths of multiple family members (along with funerals because unless it is a direct relative, you aren't allowed to leave).
• My whole entire pregnancy with Nathaniel.
• Nathaniel's first 3 months.
• The last half of my pregnancy with Aaron.
• The birth of Aaron.
• Aaron's first 9 months of life.
• My graduation from Seminary.

That is just the big things. Not to mention birthdays, anniversaries, recitals and other things of the boys. He didn't get to see Aaron learn how to sit up or roll over or begin to crawl. He even missed the golden moments of Benjamin's infancy due to the trip to Australia last summer.

So, when we do the happy dance for Sam getting out of the Army, we have our reasons. When people ask me if I'm ready to have my husband back full time I look at them and say, "I've never HAD Sam full time. So, I am looking forward to having him full time for the first time in our relationship."

Does it mean we hate the Army? No. It just means we are done. And boy, are we happy!

(As I finished typing this, Sam walked in, finishing up his final Army thing. His timing couldn't be better!)

Seizing the Day

 Life is crazy.

Between school, music lessons, church stuff and life, we are going a million miles an hour. I generally don't see my kids between Tuesday morning and Thursday morning (minus dinner, that is our sacred family time that no one is allowed to interrupt, and time in the van going from home to school and back). That stinks when I think about it, but I also then focus on the fact that my Mondays and Fridays are spent solely focusing on house work and playing with the kiddos and it makes me feel blessed and happy to get more than a lot of people.

Because of the busyness of it all, time is flying by. I can't believe that Nathaniel is already in first grade learning sentence structures and Aaron blew me away yesterday morning as he told me what words were on a sign that we passed ("Mom! That sign says Kapow!") and then correctly picked out his friend's cubby at school. Plus, Benjamin has so many words, teeth and hair. Isn't he still my baby? No? Whatever.

Due to the nature of my job I am constantly thinking of future events, so in my mind it's already Christmas.

So, this school year we are seizing the day. Every day is going to be lived to the fullest and every moment is going to be savored. I will NOT wish my days away because there is joy to find in every day. When some helpful child spills salad dressing all over the freshly mopped floor, I will not freak out, I will use it as a teaching moment. When the freshly bathed children go and play in the dirt, I will take the pictures that I will laugh at later, bite my tongue and send them back to the bath. And, when my 3 year old wants me to play a game with him, I will finish my task up and then take the time to play with him (he does have to learn patience and see that life isn't all fun and games).

I know that all too soon I'm going to long for the days of diapers and cutting up grapes and sippy cups (okay, maybe I won't miss diapers).

I encourage my Mom friends (and my childless friends as well) to take the time to enjoy the moments. Don't wish away your days.

So, my question for you is: What was your favorite moment this week? What are you going to choose to enjoy today?

I'll go first. My absolute favorite moment today was with Aaron. He was pretending to be a dog and was barking. He then went to lick me. I told him, "Don't lick me!" He said, "But I a doggie!" I told him I don't let dogs lick me. He then looked at me with the straightest face and said, "But I not lick my butt or eat poop!"

I died! He is so funny. :)

Our first break from real school is ending.

The summer is winding down.

School starts up again on Wednesday and Nathaniel will be a first grader. Aaron will still be in preschool and Benjamin will still be loving the attention which is showered on him by his caregiver (I could call her a nanny, but that sounds pretentious, but she is so much more than just day care. I could write a whole post on how blessed we are to have a person who genuinely loves Benjamin who watches him when I'm at work.).

So, we have survived our first summer vacation, and it was good.

Granted, I still worked as much as I normally do (if not more if you count the back packing trip with the high school students, beach nights and the week of summer camp), but I did get Mondays and Friday with all of the kiddos to do what we pleased.

It was a good summer. We had enough adventures to make it interesting, and enough down time to get bored a few times (but not bored enough to wish school was starting up again).

I had lofty goals for the summer.

I wanted Nathaniel to learn how to tie his shoes. He's still working on it but is going through a stage (oh please, oh please only be a stage) where he doesn't want me to SHOW him how to do things, he just wants to do it. Like fractions.  This summer he did a little bit of summer school through day camp and they were doing simple fractions. That was the week we were at Hume so he had to do that work on his own. When he asked me about the fractions I was trying to think of a way to explain it without going over his head, before I said a word he shooed me away because he figured it out. So, the other night when I sat down with my shoes (I remember learning how to tie my shoes on my mom's shoes. It's easier with bigger laces), Nathaniel tried to tie on his own without looking at what I was doing. He was SO frustrated when he couldn't get it, but he wouldn't let me show him. We'll try again tomorrow.

I also wanted Nathaniel to run a mile. That did not happen. But, he did run a race on the Fourth of July, and he ran the whole thing which was about a half mile so...he's making progress. And, he's definitely more willing to be active, so that was progress.

I also wanted Nathaniel to practice his violin more and learn a new song this summer. HA! He took one fiddle lesson (well, one and a half, but the half one he threw a fit for so that doesn't really count...). He played his violin maybe 10 times. But, when he got it out a few days ago, he really hadn't lost much skill wise. He even played an old song from memory without any mistakes (including the dynamics). So, whatever.

Here's what we DID do this summer.

We ate a lot of frozen yogurt.
We played in the sprinklers a lot, and had a few impromptu water fights with the hose.
We planted a garden and actually ate some tomatoes, corn and peppers from that garden.
We swam.
We played with friends.
We went to the beach.
We went to the Aquarium.
We went to Disneyland.
We went to Sea World.
We went to the San Diego Zoo.
We read lots of books.
We painted and play doughed, and used our imaginations.
We went camping.
We sat on the lawn at church and watched movies.

Overall, it was a great summer.

And here's the kicker. Back in July, Nathaniel lost T.V. privileges. So, for the past month and a half the t.v. has been off in our house. I honestly think that's what made the summer better. I know, some people are shocked that we can have a good summer without at least some t.v. (and I thought that my sanity was going to be lost as well, especially when Sam was gone, T.V. in the afternoon is usually my saving grace). But, I think having the T.V. off really helped the boys' imaginations and their ability to play together grow.

So, Wednesday morning I will pack everyone up in the van like usual. Only this time, I will be dropping my first grader off at his classroom. I wonder if the little boy who wanted me to walk him into his classroom every day in kindergarten (I was torn. I wanted him to have some independence, but I also love that he still likes my company) will want me to walk him to first grade, too?

For my friends who read this blog, how was your summers? Are you looking forward to routines and school again?

Change

As I alluded to in my last post, there have definitely been lots of changes and transitions in the Grummons family. Lots and lots of adventure, and a change from the mundane.

It's great. And I think we are finally ready to start sharing a little bit of what is going on (I don't like putting things out there before they are cemented because, well, wouldn't I look like a fool for stating something then taking it back?).

First of all, beginning October 1st Sam will officially be a civilian. As in, no more one weekend a month and two weeks a year (HA! As if it ever were truly one weekend a month and two weeks a year only). Sam has decided that it is time to get out (he actually decided this a long time ago). So, the past two years he spent full time in the Guard using them to get some training and get his Microsoft certificates. He then began to put his resume out there, and as of last Monday, he officially works for IBM for the Mobile division. He explained what he did, and it promptly fell out of my head because anything really technical sounds like white noise eventually. :) I am SO proud of him. While ideally we would love to see Sam get his Ph.D. and move on to professor status in Philosophy, the reality is that we now have three kids and a youth pastor's salary is just not enough to do the important things like pay for a mortgage/rent and eat. Plus, we like our children to be dressed as nudity is frowned upon in our society.

The bonus of all of this is that Sam works from home. So, our mornings are now a lot less hectic in that all Sam has to do is log into his computer. This morning he had a 6am meeting, so he rolled out of bed at 5:30, walked the dog, and was back in plenty of time to be at his meeting. During his meeting (since it was a meeting of people who are WAY higher up than he is) he was able to make lunches for the boys, get coffee ready, and help me move some unmotivated children out the door. So great.

The second bit of news is that with a job change for Sam and a bit of permanence happening in our lives, we are beginning the process of looking for houses. I am beyond excited about this because it means a permanent address, painting walls and choosing things based on our style. We haven't gotten very far in the process, but I'm hoping that things move along quickly.

That's about it here for changes. I know it's only two things, but they are huge things.

On a bummer note, I just got a call from Sam and it turns out that our new insurance doesn't cover speech therapy for kids unless it's from a brain injury. Luckily, we just got Aaron's IEP through the school district back in June so he can transition into local state funded therapy no problem. Unfortunately, they didn't really diagnose him right, saying that he has an articulation problem when the problem is actually fluency. He can make all of the right sounds independently, but when he strings sentences together sounds drop out. He is doing MUCH better, though, so it won't be too much of a problem.

And, on a child note, here are the things each child has mastered this summer.

Nathaniel: He mastered riding his bike without help, began swimming on his own without panicking, and took a few fiddle lessons. Violin starts up again next week, hooray!

Aaron: His speech has turned around and his S's are much clearer as well as his sentences. I can now understand him about 80% of the time! Woo! He also started swimming a bit on his own and is asking deep questions about death, trying to wrap his 3 year old brain around the concept (I don't know why, but we answer him in an age appropriate and truthful way).

Benjamin: He is now running everywhere. Mostly he runs away from us with a mischievous giggle. He can climb up onto a step stool to reach whoever's toothbrush is lying closest, then brushes his teeth with it. He also sings the alphabet. I promise I am not exaggerating this. As of this morning he can get to P clearly, well, except that LMNO sounds like 'lalalala-lo'. He's 15 months old. I swear I'm not lying, I got a video yesterday and today he went all the way to P so...I need to get another video. It's crazy.

That's about it here!

The slacking blogger strikes again.

I haven't written in a long time, not because I haven't had stuff to write about, but because between Sam being gone for his Annual Training (Last. One. EVER!!!), packing up and taking some amazing Jr. High students to Hume Lake Christian Camps, Sam packing up and leaving for another business trip and my family flying in for a visit, we've been a bit busy.

I do have a ton to write about! But, it will be in little writings because SO much has gone on the past few months in our lives (no, I'm not pregnant).

Today, however, we celebrate 10 years married. We have gone through a lot as a little family, including two deployments, moving around a ton, trying to find jobs and live out our passions while seeking God's will. I count myself lucky to still be madly in love with this awesome man (although technically I am lucky to have gotten such a great husband, we can take partial credit for our happiness and love because marriages DO take work). He is still my favorite person to go on long car trips with, my favorite person to listen to music to (and sing along badly with), and my favorite person to watch cheesy, nerd movies with. I'm so lucky!

Happy Anniversary to my Love. :)

Coming soon...updates about what has been going on with our family (still not pregnant).