Here we go again!

With all of the amazing things that God has blessed our family with in the past few months, one of those things we have kept close to our hearts.

We are expecting another precious baby sometime in May of 2011. We are thrilled. Notice I have not given a due date, nor will I give out a due date this time around. When I was pregnant with Aaron I was overwhelmed by the number of "Hasn't that baby arrived yet?" comments, which while I know they were given in love and excitement of a new baby, they were not encouraging to the overdue, giant pregnant woman. So, know that the baby will be born by Memorial Day. (No, Memorial Day is not my due date, but my doctor will not allow me to be pregnant that long)

I'm going to share something that is kind of personal and close to my heart right now. Given that I am sharing this on the family blog, please understand that I would appreciate a few things. First of all, what I'm about to share is straight from my heart. No rude comments about anything. Second, know that I've been through a lot in my past two deliveries and that I'm not going to be dumb or go into this whole thing uninformed.

With that said...

We had our first doctor's appointment last Wednesday. I was super excited about the appointment because I just wanted to see that cute little peanut hanging out in my womb. It's also nice to have that confirmation so I know I'm not losing my mind and that I actually am pregnant. Plus, the knowledge that only one little bean is bouncing around in there is also kind of a nice thing to put my mind at ease.

Before we even stepped into the examination room my doctor (who is FABULOUS) took Sam and I into her office to talk about the nitty gritty details of pregnancy. Since I've been through this two times before I figured I wouldn't get any new information. But, since technology is always changing, I was informed of MORE genetic tests I could have done, etc. etc. We declined a CF genetic test for both of us, and the general "no thanks, I don't want you to stick a needle into my uterus to tell me something that may/may not be accurate and will not change my view of my pregnancy" stuff.

During this time we talked about my previous deliveries and pregnancies. During this time I said to her, "Well, I'm definitely a good candidate for a VBAC (Vaginal birth after Cesarean) so that's what I want to try for." My doctor looked up from her computer and said, "You are NOT a good candidate for a VBAC." My heart fell. My doctor then explained the whole, "you have had two large babies and they only get larger and we can't guarantee that you won't have a 10 pound baby again..." thing. She explained the risks of the VBAC and how I couldn't have pitocen (one of the things I was looking forward to avoiding, so no hard feelings there on my part!) if my labor wasn't progressing.

Before I go any further with this, my doctor is a firm advocate of VBACs. She knows that there are times when it is completely doable. She lets her patients make their own decisions and only counsels them with their own best interest in mind. She reminded me that at the end of the day what was important was a healthy mommy and a healthy baby.

But, she also made it clear that while she can't tell me what to do, and she won't tell me what to do, a planned C-section is what she is recommending me for. I have to make my decision by 36 weeks.

My heart is heavy with this decision I have to make. I so desperately want to have a labor and delivery that is not riddled with drugs and crazy interventions. I nearly died the first time I had a child, and was whisked into the OR for my second child. I have this image of delivering my baby and holding him (or her) right away and getting to keep him (or her) with me for awhile. I want to walk around during labor. I want to labor at home for awhile before going into the hospital. There is so much I want to do. But, I also don't want to labor for 30 hours again and end up in the OR anyways.

So, right now I'm praying about it. My doctor said that if the baby is a girl, the chances are she will be littler than my boys. That's going to play into my decision. Also, I'm praying that I go a little early. If I schedule a c-section, they will do it when I'm 39 weeks. Any time past 37 weeks is considered full term, which makes me wonder if I can schedule a c-section, but if I go into labor naturally before then if I can try it naturally. Who knows. I have some time.

So, all of that said, please pray for us. Pray for wisdom. Pray for my health. Pray for the health of the baby.

And please, do not message me with statistics either way about VBACs or C-sections. I have done my homework and I know the stats. Don't make me feel any more guilty than I already do. It's bad enough that my body hasn't handled delivery well (although, my pregnancies have always been a dream), I don't need a reminder that I just can't hack the getting the baby out part. Thanks.