Just when I think I have something witty to write about...

Well, I actually don't. I have blog entries rolling around in my brain when I'm supposed to be doing other things. Like preparing awesome lessons for my amazing Junior High students. But, then I find myself with free time, and...hello writer's block.

You would also think that with three adorable little boys, I would have some pictures to show...

Sure, if I ever took the time to get them off of my phone and onto my computer.

So, I'm going to have to just thrill all of my readers (*cough*) with fun boy stories.

First of all, I managed to make my five year old cry this morning. Go, me. We were in L.A. getting ready to visit the La Brea Tar Pits and the Page Museum but first we were getting our coffee fix. I don't know how it came up, but Sam's dad started talking about how tasty babies were, and I agreed quickly and then told Nathaniel that's what happened to his older brother, Bobby. Cue the laughter and general merriment. Cue Nathaniel, thinking that we were laughing at him (or that we were serious about our family being cannibals and eating one of our kids), started crying. Epic fail.

Then, later on I encouraged the boys to roll down the giant grassy hill that surrounds the Page Museum (seriously, loads of fun and anyone who lives around L.A. ought to check out the Page Museum and the La Brea Tar Pits). Not to be out done, I decided that one roll down the hill would be great fun as well for me.

Note: I am not 5 years old anymore and I can barely handle riding on the carousel at Disneyland. Therefore, rolling down a hill immediately makes me dizzy and a little queasy as well.

I handed Sam my phone and headed down the hill. My loving husband recorded my roll, then immediately posted it to Facebook. *Love Him* So, anyone who is my friend on Facebook will not only see my graceful roll down the hill. But, you can also hear me squeal loudly like a five year old girl; watch me kick my son in the head on the way down the hill; AND, if you look closely, will get a good view of butt crack at the very end of the video because, well, things shifted en route.

Other than that, I think I'm doing an okay job at parenting. Aaron has said multiple times today, "Oh goody-goody!!". I have also given my 7 month old a taste of frozen yogurt, which he loved and then cried after I wouldn't give him any more. He had to settle for plain old blueberry baby yogurt for dinner. Benjamin also slept through the night last night (after the 11pm wake up feeding). That's happened a few times the past week or so. I don't think I'm going to second guess my kids or my instincts anymore. I know that some people's kids start sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. But each of my kids need those extra couple of feedings for awhile longer. My kids generally weighed about 3-4 pounds more than most of my friends' kids at birth, so...they need the extra calories!

We're hanging around here for Christmas this year. We traveled last Christmas and realized it's expensive! Plus, I think the kids enjoy being here (even if Nathaniel has bugged us about going to Iowa). Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.

I refuse to feel guilty.

There's this weird thing that goes on among parents, or mainly moms. We get this weird complex and hold ourselves, and others, to these impossibly high standards. We sit in our playgroups carefully watching our kids interactions with the other kids and thinking, "Oh, my little Johnny is definitely more advanced than little Timmy." Or we embellish stories of our kids, making them sound smarter, brighter, more advanced, etc. than their peers.

Your Suzie was walking at 11 months? That's nothing, my little Sally was already being scouted for the 2024 Olympic Gymnastic team.

Don't even get me started on our houses. Maybe this is just me, but I always feel the pressure to have my house clean. Not just clean, but super organized and guest ready. I've relaxed a little bit since having three children, realizing that cleaning while the boys are awake is like raking leaves while the kids are outside playing. I get something clean, go to clean something else and turn around to find that my clean living room has been turned into fort land. (Not to be confused with Fort Dodge, fort land has a little more going for it...ha!)

So, since that little digital sign told me that I was pregnant over 6 years ago I've had this nagging sense of guilt and feeling of not being good enough, not being held up to the right standard.

I work outside of the home and *gasp* my children go to some form of daycare. According to some people, that means my children will be maladjusted miscreants, who should only hold out hope of getting menial jobs which may or may not include asking if someone would like fries with that (I'm only slightly exaggerating this).

I will sometimes get a babysitter and go to a morning movie on my day off of work. And yes, while some people have "their priorities straight" (direct quote from a mom of another kindergarten when she heard me say I was going to the movies one morning) I will occasionally partake in a movie and popcorn and soda ALL BY MYSELF and watch what I want to watch.

And today, after spending the morning hanging with a dear friend I went back to my house with all intentions of cleaning while the boys napped. Instead, I curled up in bed with Aaron and we read books and giggled and I fell asleep and woke up covered in stickers because apparently, Aaron didn't fall asleep. :)

And you know what, I still have Cheerios all over my kitchen floor and laundry in the washer/dryer from the day before yesterday(?), but Aaron had a giggly time with his Mommy and I had got to spend some good one on one time with my poor neglected middle child.

And I don't feel guilty.

More proof that I have no idea what I'm doing with the whole "parenthood" thing.

After three nights of trying to get Benjamin to sleep through the night I was ready to throw in the towel. Each night his crying spells were getting longer and were increasing in frequency so I thought, "He's just hungry. I guess he's simply not ready to give up that night time feeding." Of course, last night, when I had figured that I would just go feed him when he woke up crying, he slept until 4:30am. I think I was taking in too much caffeine and that it was keeping him awake. Go figure.

Also, I realized that almost four years ago when I started this blog, I made an observation about Nathaniel's empathy. You can see that post here. As the years have gone on and I've watched my little tyrant of a toddler grow into a very self-sufficient, strong willed little boy, I have enjoyed watching his tender heart and gentle spirit. He is my little boy who will cry while watching a movie and the friends move away from their other friends. He cried when his Beta fish, Luigi (hard G sound) died and we flushed it, and he easily bursts into tears when Sam corrects him. Yesterday we went and watched the Muppet movie in the theater (it was a gamble taking the three boys, but they did super great). There are three scenes where main characters are leaving or appearing to give up. At the first one, I was trying to keep Aaron in his chair while juggling Benjamin when I heard a sniffle and a whimper. Poor Nathaniel was crying because of what was happening on screen. (And, as I was typing this I heard Nathaniel crying from his bed, and when I went in there and asked him what was wrong he said, "I had a Muppet dream!" He had been thinking of one of the songs and it made him sad again). I love that he has a soft heart and that I don't have to teach him empathy. I'm just going to have to be more careful about the movies he sees. Maybe we'll watch them at home so he doesn't have to be embarrassed about crying publicly. You know, when he's older and more aware of stuff like that.

So, apparently movies I think are okay for the family: Make my kid cry for days afterwards. And, thinking that my kid is/isn't ready to sleep through the night: Not really up to me.

*sigh* At least Aaron thinks I'm pretty pretty great. Except for the whole "you can't have pie tonight because you didn't eat your dinner" fiasco.

Figuring out the sleep thing, round three.

I have to admit, Nathaniel was the WORST sleeper EVER. From birth he would wake up more times than I could count during the night. I remember one incredibly rough night where he was up every 45 minutes. Of course, I got to get up and go to class after that, so I was a basket case. I also couldn't get him to fall asleep at night. He would cry and cry for at least two hours, fall asleep in my arms, then wake up the minute I laid him down. Double Ugh. But, at about 4 months old I got him to fall asleep no problem. It took about a week of letting him cry for a few minutes, going in and patting him, then leaving, etc. but one magical day I laid him down for a nap and he rolled onto his side and immediately fell asleep.

It wasn't until about 10 months that he began to sleep through the night. That was rough. I blame the pacifier. He would lose that stupid thing in the middle of the night then scream bloody murder when he couldn't find it. I was never so happy to see that thing go (as useful as it was that first year). Of course, he did continue waking up at 5:30am for the day, which royally sucked, but at least he slept from 7:30-5:30 without waking!

Then we had Aaron. Well, I should say I had Aaron. Sam was gone at the time so I got to do the whole sleep thing all over again. Luckily, he was a MUCH better sleeper than Nathaniel. It only took a few days of putting him down while he was awake and having him cry before he would simply fall asleep without a fuss. Of course, he woke up three times a night STARVING (or so it seemed) until he was about 9 months old. I was in survival mode so I didn't care. I would nurse him and then put him back down if it means quiet and a little bit more sleep. Once Sam got home from Kosovo we did the whole, "close doors and turn on fans" routine so we wouldn't hear Aaron wake up. He never took a pacifier, so that wasn't an issue, it was just breaking his middle of the night snacking habits. Now, he's a champion sleeper, and would sleep until 8am if I let him.

Enter Benjamin. I feel like I'm a bit wiser this time around AND I have the added benefit of a husband who is here. Once we got past that newborn, "I don't know why I'm crying, but gosh darn it something is wrong and I'm going to fuss about it!" stage, he fell asleep no issue. But, he has that stinking middle of the night habit. For awhile he would sleep through the night, but then something tragic would happen, like a tooth, or a trip, and he would wake up a few times a night again. I kept expecting it to get better, but this week I realized that my 6 month old is getting up 3 times a night to eat, and he doesn't need to, especially when he nurses for about 2 minutes and then falls asleep.

So, last night we began Operation Sleep Through The Night for the Love of Pete!!! Every time Benjamin cried one of us would go in and pat his back and shush him, but we did NOT pick him up. I realized he wasn't so much crying as he was just whining and complaining. He was up three times, and then at 6am I let him come into bed with us and nurse.

I'm hoping tonight is better. I figured this is a prime time to do this because Sam doesn't work and I don't work, so being a zombie is okay for a few days. Crossing my fingers!!

Contemplation

I know, I know. I'm a slacker blogger. But, I realize more and more that this is really a great place for me to record the stuff my kids are up to so I can remember. It's also a good place to flesh out my deep thoughts. :)

That's what I'm doing now. I'll post another blog about family stuff.

As we were getting ready to head out the door this morning I mentioned to Aaron randomly, "Wow, Aaron, you are getting tall. I bet when you are a man, you will be tall!" Nathaniel then asked me, "Mommy, what's a man?"

Without thinking I said, "It's an adult boy." Then I quickly stopped and said, "No, I take that back. A man is someone who takes responsibility and does what needs to be done." Then I told him that a 23 year old could live at home with his parents and not take care of anything, which would make him a boy while a 23 year old could live on his own and take care of everything himself, which would make him a man. Let's just say, it's hard to explain responsibility to a 5 year old, but I think he started to get it.

As an aside, he said the cutest thing. I asked him if Daddy was a man, which he quickly said yes to (and I agree, I have an awesome man of a husband who does what needs to be done to take care of his family. Then he said, "And, Daddy is in the Army!" Which, according to Nathaniel, makes him the man. :)

Anyway, it got me thinking about the whole "what does it mean to be a man?" question. This is something that's important for me to think through as the mom of three future men. How can I raise my children to be men? How can I raise these amazing children of mine to be responsible men in society?

It also made me think about the fact that my generation had a lot of absent dads/lack of father figures, and many of the boys in my youth group have the same thing.

How are we, the ones who were lacking strong male role models in our lives, supposed to teach the next generations how to be men?

I think the key is teaching responsibility. So many people are not being held responsible for their actions. I mean, it's all across the board, really. People are in huge debt, and aren't held responsible for paying their bills. Students aren't being held responsible for their homework or their actions, and parents are giving their kids whatever they want without making them pay for it or work for it. As a youth leader I often hear parents making excuses for their children, which makes me feel super frustrated.

If we make excuses for our kids their whole lives, they will never learn to take responsibility for their actions! If every time my kid forgot his homework or lunch I took the blame, it wouldn't teach him anything except how to pass the buck. We have to hold our children to a high standard.

I want my three boys to grow up knowing what being a man looks like. I want them to know that they have the freedom to make their own choices and make their own mistakes, but that whatever decisions they freely make that I am going to give them the opportunity to freely face the consequences.

Anyways...I'm super tired and I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. What are your thoughts? I would love to hear what others have to say, especially my friends who are moms of boys! (Although, you could easily use this same argument as being a responsible human).

Adjusting to a new schedule.

We have started the new kindergarten/preschool/daycare schedule and so far, no real bumps. We have yet to be late (whew) and the kids have had pretty good morning attitudes so far. I'm even doing okay with Benjamin not right by my side every minute of every day (insert sad face here, but he is so happy at the sitter's house that I know it's way better than my trying to work while he's in my arms).

Nathaniel loves school, which is a good thing considering with how hesitant he was to actually start it. He moped all the way to school on Wednesday and kept crying, "I don't want to go to kindergarten!" but, by the end of the day he was all, "I LOVE kindergarten!!" Every day after he has been a non stop chatter box of all of the cool things they do. :) I'm super glad that he loves school just as much as I did.

Aaron is doing pretty well. He had a huge melt down/anger fit at school on Tuesday, but then calmed down. We call him our little sour patch kid. First he's sour, then he's sweet. Seriously, he will throw a huge fit with kicking and screaming and hitting, then two minutes later come and give me the biggest kiss and hug and say, "I sorry Mama!" Yesterday was our first day with Nathaniel in school and the rest of us at home and I asked him what he wanted to do and he said, "Cuddle with you, Mama!" So he grabbed his blankets and then we sat on the couch and cuddled. Melted my heart. :)

Benjamin is officially a rolling kid. He did it without any fanfare at all. Sam went to go get him from the crib one morning and he happened to be on his belly sleeping. Now, he immediately rolls over onto his stomach when he is laid down. I think seeing my friend's son (who is nearly 10 months old and the same size as Benjamin the 4 month old) crawling around motivated him. He had this look on his face like, "Woah! What are you doing? I wonder if I can do that..." If he's like Aaron, he will be crawling within two months. Ugh.

We renewed our Disneyland passes last week before we ran the half marathon. So, we are back to going to Disneyland! There are quite a few new rides, so it's a new experience. :) It's great now that Benjamin is bigger and more alert. We all rode the carousel last night and it was super fun to see three little boys in a row on horses. It's the random moments that warm my heart like that. I LOVE being a mom. :)

I am heading to Iowa with Benjamin on Thursday. I'm super excited to show off the baby and to just see and visit people. There is something about sitting on the front porch of the farm house drinking tea and watching nothing that gives me great peace. I would say I'm hoping for a good thunderstorm, but we just had one here in California this morning (which just put people in a tizzy, I tell you!) so I don't feel the need to witness one.

That's about it here. We have loads of pictures, but they are all on our new phones and I don't know how to transfer them onto the computer yet. They are, however, on Facebook so that works out well.

Almost kindergarten, and other random facts.

I can't believe that we are almost the parents of a kindergartner. Not that I can really remember a time in our marriage when we didn't have kids (those four years seem like so long ago, and, to be fair, Sam was gone quite a bit of that, over 1/4th of it). It's very surreal.

On the one hand, I'm a little sad to enter this next stage of life. This "new season". I'm sad that I will no longer be able to take Nathaniel to Disneyland whenever we want to go. Instead, I will have to wait until Friday after school because every other day of the week will be too busy with school, practicing violin, lessons, sports (hopefully) and life and bed to be able to go to Disneyland. I am sad that he has some place he HAS to be now, rather than "Well, I'm home today from work, so he doesn't have to go to preschool".

But, on the other hand, I'm happy that he is starting school. He is more than ready academically. He's been reading words for the past year and a half and has balked at learning any more. I figure once a teacher is telling him to do it, he will be more than happy to. We went school shopping this weekend and bought lace up shoes for him telling him that part of being a kindergartner was tying his own shoes. He's been practicing since Saturday. He even made up a song. I don't know how it goes but I heard him singing, "Then you grab the loops and pull..." and when I asked him where he learned the song he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "I made it up!"

He's a little nervous, but I'm excited about the smaller class sizes at Bethany and the fact that he's on the same campus that he was on for preschool AND half of his class is from his preschool class. Now, we just need to hope and pray that he uses his voice when he needs to. That he learns that it's okay to raise his hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I want him to know that if someone is bothering him he can tell the teacher and it will stop. I'll let you all know how the first day goes. It's in a week. :)

Aaron is doing much better. While Sam was gone he went through a biting and peeing/pooping his pants phase. If he wasn't doing one, he was doing the other. I hoped and prayed that it was just separation anxiety from Sam, and it was. Since Sam's been home he hasn't bitten at all and has jumped back on the potty train like a trooper. The only times he really has an accident is when we fail to take him, or when he's super focused on something else.

His talking is taking off as well. He has full sentences and has finally started referring to himself as Aaron. For awhile when we would ask him his name he would shout, "Two and a half!!" because that is how old he is. :) Now, he labels everyone and everything. If Aaron had a font it would be caps lock.

While we drive: MOM! SEE BIKE!! SEE BIKE, MOM!! or MOM!!! SEE DOGGIE!!! SEE BLACK DOGGIE MOM!!!

It's fun. He is singing songs now, very carefully, making sure to get each word in the song. "All 'board the choo choo train, all 'board choo choo train. All board choo choo train. All board, all board." (from Disney Jr.).

He also likes to play pretend with everyone and everything. He makes us play food, he sings us silly songs, he cracks himself up by pretending things are something else. For example, I'll ask him to bring me a book and he will run to his room and grab underwear or a blanket and come out saying, "Here's a book, mom!" then fall over giggling. :) He makes me laugh.

Benjamin is doing well. He caught this horrible cold that his older brothers got (fever, then cough, ugh). His cough is horrible and he's actually coughed out a few things (yum, tmi, sorry), but he's breathing fine so I'm not worried, just keeping one ear open at all times.

He sleeps like a dream! I swear, I was so worried about having a third child because everyone I know has said that the third one was the wild card who was totally difficult or crazy or just way different. Benjamin IS way different from his brothers. He sleeps through the night! Both Aaron and Nathaniel were up at LEAST twice a night until they were 9 and 10 months old. Benjamin sleeps from about 9-4:30, sometimes longer. I can take no credit for this, it is simply something he has done without any training or crying it out or anything from me. We didn't even have to sleep train him, he naturally falls asleep by himself looking at the mobile. Happy us! He coos whenever he is awake and giggles hysterically at his brothers. He has yet to roll all the way over, but will roll to his side to sleep and immediately sticks his thumb in his mouth. He gives giant open mouth kisses to anyone who is willing to receive them and, just like Aaron before him, absolutely refuses to drink anything from a bottle. I'm hoping that changes because he starts daycare on Thursday. He'll get hungry enough eventually. I hope.

Sam and I are doing well. We are running the Disneyland 1/2 marathon on Sunday and feel like we are ready. I started training in June and at first I wasn't sure if I could do it. But, my fitness level came back super fast and within a few weeks I could run a mile in under 10 minutes (not the greatest, but not too shabby for having just had a kid, I think). Last night we ran 10 miles in 2 hours, so we feel pretty confident that we will be able to finish the 1/2 in under 3 hours. I'm super excited to do this, but after the race I'm planning on cutting my runs down to just running three at a time then going and doing ab and arm work. My arms are starting to wave back. :)

Sorry for the long update here. Life is going great, but super crazy. Long updates are what to expect for awhile.

Will update after the first day of school (ominous music here).