More proof that I have no idea what I'm doing with the whole "parenthood" thing.

After three nights of trying to get Benjamin to sleep through the night I was ready to throw in the towel. Each night his crying spells were getting longer and were increasing in frequency so I thought, "He's just hungry. I guess he's simply not ready to give up that night time feeding." Of course, last night, when I had figured that I would just go feed him when he woke up crying, he slept until 4:30am. I think I was taking in too much caffeine and that it was keeping him awake. Go figure.

Also, I realized that almost four years ago when I started this blog, I made an observation about Nathaniel's empathy. You can see that post here. As the years have gone on and I've watched my little tyrant of a toddler grow into a very self-sufficient, strong willed little boy, I have enjoyed watching his tender heart and gentle spirit. He is my little boy who will cry while watching a movie and the friends move away from their other friends. He cried when his Beta fish, Luigi (hard G sound) died and we flushed it, and he easily bursts into tears when Sam corrects him. Yesterday we went and watched the Muppet movie in the theater (it was a gamble taking the three boys, but they did super great). There are three scenes where main characters are leaving or appearing to give up. At the first one, I was trying to keep Aaron in his chair while juggling Benjamin when I heard a sniffle and a whimper. Poor Nathaniel was crying because of what was happening on screen. (And, as I was typing this I heard Nathaniel crying from his bed, and when I went in there and asked him what was wrong he said, "I had a Muppet dream!" He had been thinking of one of the songs and it made him sad again). I love that he has a soft heart and that I don't have to teach him empathy. I'm just going to have to be more careful about the movies he sees. Maybe we'll watch them at home so he doesn't have to be embarrassed about crying publicly. You know, when he's older and more aware of stuff like that.

So, apparently movies I think are okay for the family: Make my kid cry for days afterwards. And, thinking that my kid is/isn't ready to sleep through the night: Not really up to me.

*sigh* At least Aaron thinks I'm pretty pretty great. Except for the whole "you can't have pie tonight because you didn't eat your dinner" fiasco.

Figuring out the sleep thing, round three.

I have to admit, Nathaniel was the WORST sleeper EVER. From birth he would wake up more times than I could count during the night. I remember one incredibly rough night where he was up every 45 minutes. Of course, I got to get up and go to class after that, so I was a basket case. I also couldn't get him to fall asleep at night. He would cry and cry for at least two hours, fall asleep in my arms, then wake up the minute I laid him down. Double Ugh. But, at about 4 months old I got him to fall asleep no problem. It took about a week of letting him cry for a few minutes, going in and patting him, then leaving, etc. but one magical day I laid him down for a nap and he rolled onto his side and immediately fell asleep.

It wasn't until about 10 months that he began to sleep through the night. That was rough. I blame the pacifier. He would lose that stupid thing in the middle of the night then scream bloody murder when he couldn't find it. I was never so happy to see that thing go (as useful as it was that first year). Of course, he did continue waking up at 5:30am for the day, which royally sucked, but at least he slept from 7:30-5:30 without waking!

Then we had Aaron. Well, I should say I had Aaron. Sam was gone at the time so I got to do the whole sleep thing all over again. Luckily, he was a MUCH better sleeper than Nathaniel. It only took a few days of putting him down while he was awake and having him cry before he would simply fall asleep without a fuss. Of course, he woke up three times a night STARVING (or so it seemed) until he was about 9 months old. I was in survival mode so I didn't care. I would nurse him and then put him back down if it means quiet and a little bit more sleep. Once Sam got home from Kosovo we did the whole, "close doors and turn on fans" routine so we wouldn't hear Aaron wake up. He never took a pacifier, so that wasn't an issue, it was just breaking his middle of the night snacking habits. Now, he's a champion sleeper, and would sleep until 8am if I let him.

Enter Benjamin. I feel like I'm a bit wiser this time around AND I have the added benefit of a husband who is here. Once we got past that newborn, "I don't know why I'm crying, but gosh darn it something is wrong and I'm going to fuss about it!" stage, he fell asleep no issue. But, he has that stinking middle of the night habit. For awhile he would sleep through the night, but then something tragic would happen, like a tooth, or a trip, and he would wake up a few times a night again. I kept expecting it to get better, but this week I realized that my 6 month old is getting up 3 times a night to eat, and he doesn't need to, especially when he nurses for about 2 minutes and then falls asleep.

So, last night we began Operation Sleep Through The Night for the Love of Pete!!! Every time Benjamin cried one of us would go in and pat his back and shush him, but we did NOT pick him up. I realized he wasn't so much crying as he was just whining and complaining. He was up three times, and then at 6am I let him come into bed with us and nurse.

I'm hoping tonight is better. I figured this is a prime time to do this because Sam doesn't work and I don't work, so being a zombie is okay for a few days. Crossing my fingers!!

Contemplation

I know, I know. I'm a slacker blogger. But, I realize more and more that this is really a great place for me to record the stuff my kids are up to so I can remember. It's also a good place to flesh out my deep thoughts. :)

That's what I'm doing now. I'll post another blog about family stuff.

As we were getting ready to head out the door this morning I mentioned to Aaron randomly, "Wow, Aaron, you are getting tall. I bet when you are a man, you will be tall!" Nathaniel then asked me, "Mommy, what's a man?"

Without thinking I said, "It's an adult boy." Then I quickly stopped and said, "No, I take that back. A man is someone who takes responsibility and does what needs to be done." Then I told him that a 23 year old could live at home with his parents and not take care of anything, which would make him a boy while a 23 year old could live on his own and take care of everything himself, which would make him a man. Let's just say, it's hard to explain responsibility to a 5 year old, but I think he started to get it.

As an aside, he said the cutest thing. I asked him if Daddy was a man, which he quickly said yes to (and I agree, I have an awesome man of a husband who does what needs to be done to take care of his family. Then he said, "And, Daddy is in the Army!" Which, according to Nathaniel, makes him the man. :)

Anyway, it got me thinking about the whole "what does it mean to be a man?" question. This is something that's important for me to think through as the mom of three future men. How can I raise my children to be men? How can I raise these amazing children of mine to be responsible men in society?

It also made me think about the fact that my generation had a lot of absent dads/lack of father figures, and many of the boys in my youth group have the same thing.

How are we, the ones who were lacking strong male role models in our lives, supposed to teach the next generations how to be men?

I think the key is teaching responsibility. So many people are not being held responsible for their actions. I mean, it's all across the board, really. People are in huge debt, and aren't held responsible for paying their bills. Students aren't being held responsible for their homework or their actions, and parents are giving their kids whatever they want without making them pay for it or work for it. As a youth leader I often hear parents making excuses for their children, which makes me feel super frustrated.

If we make excuses for our kids their whole lives, they will never learn to take responsibility for their actions! If every time my kid forgot his homework or lunch I took the blame, it wouldn't teach him anything except how to pass the buck. We have to hold our children to a high standard.

I want my three boys to grow up knowing what being a man looks like. I want them to know that they have the freedom to make their own choices and make their own mistakes, but that whatever decisions they freely make that I am going to give them the opportunity to freely face the consequences.

Anyways...I'm super tired and I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. What are your thoughts? I would love to hear what others have to say, especially my friends who are moms of boys! (Although, you could easily use this same argument as being a responsible human).

Adjusting to a new schedule.

We have started the new kindergarten/preschool/daycare schedule and so far, no real bumps. We have yet to be late (whew) and the kids have had pretty good morning attitudes so far. I'm even doing okay with Benjamin not right by my side every minute of every day (insert sad face here, but he is so happy at the sitter's house that I know it's way better than my trying to work while he's in my arms).

Nathaniel loves school, which is a good thing considering with how hesitant he was to actually start it. He moped all the way to school on Wednesday and kept crying, "I don't want to go to kindergarten!" but, by the end of the day he was all, "I LOVE kindergarten!!" Every day after he has been a non stop chatter box of all of the cool things they do. :) I'm super glad that he loves school just as much as I did.

Aaron is doing pretty well. He had a huge melt down/anger fit at school on Tuesday, but then calmed down. We call him our little sour patch kid. First he's sour, then he's sweet. Seriously, he will throw a huge fit with kicking and screaming and hitting, then two minutes later come and give me the biggest kiss and hug and say, "I sorry Mama!" Yesterday was our first day with Nathaniel in school and the rest of us at home and I asked him what he wanted to do and he said, "Cuddle with you, Mama!" So he grabbed his blankets and then we sat on the couch and cuddled. Melted my heart. :)

Benjamin is officially a rolling kid. He did it without any fanfare at all. Sam went to go get him from the crib one morning and he happened to be on his belly sleeping. Now, he immediately rolls over onto his stomach when he is laid down. I think seeing my friend's son (who is nearly 10 months old and the same size as Benjamin the 4 month old) crawling around motivated him. He had this look on his face like, "Woah! What are you doing? I wonder if I can do that..." If he's like Aaron, he will be crawling within two months. Ugh.

We renewed our Disneyland passes last week before we ran the half marathon. So, we are back to going to Disneyland! There are quite a few new rides, so it's a new experience. :) It's great now that Benjamin is bigger and more alert. We all rode the carousel last night and it was super fun to see three little boys in a row on horses. It's the random moments that warm my heart like that. I LOVE being a mom. :)

I am heading to Iowa with Benjamin on Thursday. I'm super excited to show off the baby and to just see and visit people. There is something about sitting on the front porch of the farm house drinking tea and watching nothing that gives me great peace. I would say I'm hoping for a good thunderstorm, but we just had one here in California this morning (which just put people in a tizzy, I tell you!) so I don't feel the need to witness one.

That's about it here. We have loads of pictures, but they are all on our new phones and I don't know how to transfer them onto the computer yet. They are, however, on Facebook so that works out well.

Almost kindergarten, and other random facts.

I can't believe that we are almost the parents of a kindergartner. Not that I can really remember a time in our marriage when we didn't have kids (those four years seem like so long ago, and, to be fair, Sam was gone quite a bit of that, over 1/4th of it). It's very surreal.

On the one hand, I'm a little sad to enter this next stage of life. This "new season". I'm sad that I will no longer be able to take Nathaniel to Disneyland whenever we want to go. Instead, I will have to wait until Friday after school because every other day of the week will be too busy with school, practicing violin, lessons, sports (hopefully) and life and bed to be able to go to Disneyland. I am sad that he has some place he HAS to be now, rather than "Well, I'm home today from work, so he doesn't have to go to preschool".

But, on the other hand, I'm happy that he is starting school. He is more than ready academically. He's been reading words for the past year and a half and has balked at learning any more. I figure once a teacher is telling him to do it, he will be more than happy to. We went school shopping this weekend and bought lace up shoes for him telling him that part of being a kindergartner was tying his own shoes. He's been practicing since Saturday. He even made up a song. I don't know how it goes but I heard him singing, "Then you grab the loops and pull..." and when I asked him where he learned the song he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "I made it up!"

He's a little nervous, but I'm excited about the smaller class sizes at Bethany and the fact that he's on the same campus that he was on for preschool AND half of his class is from his preschool class. Now, we just need to hope and pray that he uses his voice when he needs to. That he learns that it's okay to raise his hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I want him to know that if someone is bothering him he can tell the teacher and it will stop. I'll let you all know how the first day goes. It's in a week. :)

Aaron is doing much better. While Sam was gone he went through a biting and peeing/pooping his pants phase. If he wasn't doing one, he was doing the other. I hoped and prayed that it was just separation anxiety from Sam, and it was. Since Sam's been home he hasn't bitten at all and has jumped back on the potty train like a trooper. The only times he really has an accident is when we fail to take him, or when he's super focused on something else.

His talking is taking off as well. He has full sentences and has finally started referring to himself as Aaron. For awhile when we would ask him his name he would shout, "Two and a half!!" because that is how old he is. :) Now, he labels everyone and everything. If Aaron had a font it would be caps lock.

While we drive: MOM! SEE BIKE!! SEE BIKE, MOM!! or MOM!!! SEE DOGGIE!!! SEE BLACK DOGGIE MOM!!!

It's fun. He is singing songs now, very carefully, making sure to get each word in the song. "All 'board the choo choo train, all 'board choo choo train. All board choo choo train. All board, all board." (from Disney Jr.).

He also likes to play pretend with everyone and everything. He makes us play food, he sings us silly songs, he cracks himself up by pretending things are something else. For example, I'll ask him to bring me a book and he will run to his room and grab underwear or a blanket and come out saying, "Here's a book, mom!" then fall over giggling. :) He makes me laugh.

Benjamin is doing well. He caught this horrible cold that his older brothers got (fever, then cough, ugh). His cough is horrible and he's actually coughed out a few things (yum, tmi, sorry), but he's breathing fine so I'm not worried, just keeping one ear open at all times.

He sleeps like a dream! I swear, I was so worried about having a third child because everyone I know has said that the third one was the wild card who was totally difficult or crazy or just way different. Benjamin IS way different from his brothers. He sleeps through the night! Both Aaron and Nathaniel were up at LEAST twice a night until they were 9 and 10 months old. Benjamin sleeps from about 9-4:30, sometimes longer. I can take no credit for this, it is simply something he has done without any training or crying it out or anything from me. We didn't even have to sleep train him, he naturally falls asleep by himself looking at the mobile. Happy us! He coos whenever he is awake and giggles hysterically at his brothers. He has yet to roll all the way over, but will roll to his side to sleep and immediately sticks his thumb in his mouth. He gives giant open mouth kisses to anyone who is willing to receive them and, just like Aaron before him, absolutely refuses to drink anything from a bottle. I'm hoping that changes because he starts daycare on Thursday. He'll get hungry enough eventually. I hope.

Sam and I are doing well. We are running the Disneyland 1/2 marathon on Sunday and feel like we are ready. I started training in June and at first I wasn't sure if I could do it. But, my fitness level came back super fast and within a few weeks I could run a mile in under 10 minutes (not the greatest, but not too shabby for having just had a kid, I think). Last night we ran 10 miles in 2 hours, so we feel pretty confident that we will be able to finish the 1/2 in under 3 hours. I'm super excited to do this, but after the race I'm planning on cutting my runs down to just running three at a time then going and doing ab and arm work. My arms are starting to wave back. :)

Sorry for the long update here. Life is going great, but super crazy. Long updates are what to expect for awhile.

Will update after the first day of school (ominous music here).

Rambling late night thoughts.

Random thought #1: I just noticed that this is my 300th post. Dang!

I love being a mom. Even with Sam gone this past month, I've loved being a mom of three rambunctious little boys. Sure, by the time I finally get them all to bed, finish up whatever thing absolutely has to be done and flop down on the couch at night, I'm exhausted, but I LOVE life right now and wouldn't trade it for anything.

I would, however, trade random comments from strangers (and some non-strangers) that silly old me thought would stop after giving birth to the third little boy.

Here are examples of a few of the comments I hear the most of:

1. Are you going to try for a girl?

I usually smile and say something along of the lines of we weren't trying for a girl this time and please let my body recover from this last 10 pound child please before talking about another baby.

2. Oh...three boys. I bet you wish you had a little girl, huh?

Nope! I am blessed to have three incredibly cute and easy going (for the most part, don't ask how Aaron's biting habits have been lately...) boys. I am also blessed to be a Jr. High Pastor and get to have the best parts of girls and send them and their attitudes (because, you know that they have them) home to their parents.

3. Are you expecting!?

No, you moron, as you can see I am either pushing a newborn in a stroller or have him in my arms. I am not pregnant, and you have just successfully made my self confidence drop another few points. It's called post partum and it usually takes more than a month or two to get rid of the belly. Only one time have I felt gracious towards someone who asked me this question, and that was because it was someone I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years, I was wearing a maternity top (no judging, the baby was 6 weeks old and nothing else fit right) and Benjamin was sleeping in his car seat underneath the table out of her sight. I immediately said (as she gestured toward her stomach and started the "Oh, you're expecting!" comment), "I just had a baby!" to help her save face.

And my favorite comment which makes me cringe through my smile:

4. "Wow, looks like you have your hands full!"

This comment is usually said to me as I'm wearing Benjamin on my front, strapped to me like a bomb, and am pushing the double jogger through a crowded festival, or while I'm making sure Aaron and Nathaniel don't wander too far away while I'm changing a diaper. I normally smile and say, "yup!" as I keep on going, but sometimes I want to say, "yes, yes my hands are full. HELP ME!!" because I'm trying to maneuver through a crowd or buckle seat belts or get food for the older two. Here's a hint people, if you see a very tired looking mom with three small children, offer to help her, offer her a bottle of water, offer her a massage (especially if you are the owner of a spa at a community festival, just saying...).

But, aside from the "don't you wish you had a girl?" questions, I love my kids and I love chasing them around and playing with them.

But, I also love sleep and my insomniac ways have led me to be up WAY past my bedtime. Enjoy the late night ramblings of my fried mommy brain (I'm sure there are a ton of grammatical errors!)

Life lately: The kid version.

Since Benjamin entered into the world we've been going non stop. Hence the lack of updates. I was up and around the day after giving birth and was going almost full steam until an infection knocked me back down on my butt 2 weeks after. Thank God for antibiotics! After four days of literally laying on the couch alternating between shivering and sweating I was able to walk around upright.

Benjamin is an awesome baby, just like his big brothers were. He nurses like a champ and, just like Aaron before him, has a hard time knowing when to stop, which often results in large barfs splashing on the floor behind me when I burp him. He sleeps pretty well and gets better every week. Currently he sleeps from about 9-midnight and then until 3-5 (from midnight until that time). We're working on a schedule, but it's going to be hard until school starts in the fall, especially with two older brothers who need to get out and experience life.

Nathaniel has grown up a lot the past few months. He turned five on the 14th and has embraced being a big kid fully. Since he's the oldest he has always kind of been a baby, wanting me to dress him and do things for him. But, now that he's five...he showers by himself (as opposed to taking baths), he makes his own breakfast for the most part, and he doesn't want to cuddle with me around his friends. The other day when I tried to give him a kiss good bye he gave me a look like, "Please don't!" and offered me a five instead. *sigh* I'll take it. He starts kindergarten in the fall, which I still can't wrap my mind around. Kindergarten! I picked up his uniforms today, which will make life so much easier in the fall. No clothing battles!! It will simply be, "Pick which color of Academy shirt you want to wear!"

Aaron is having a bit of trouble adjusting to all of the changes lately. He was doing great, but since Sam left for Australia he is pushing his boundaries. He regressed a little bit with the potty training, but he's still in underwear. I figure I would rather wash out some pants then put him back in diapers. Unfortunately his adjustment problems has him acting out in preschool too. He's biting again (ugh) and hitting and not listening. He's also not listening at home. I've tried nearly everything: Positive reinforcement (you are doing so great listening, Aaron!), negative reinforcement (time outs and spanks), more positive reinforcements (chocolate milk if he doesn't bite at school). He's just having a hard time with it all and having me working and daddy gone is really hard on him. He's a lot clingier and cries when I leave. Tomorrow Nathaniel has VBS and I'm planning on doing some good one on one time with Aaron after Benjamin's dr. appointment. He is still a VERY sweet boy who loves fiercely. He is constantly hugging and kissing his baby brother and never shows animosity towards Benjamin at all. He loves laughing and playing with Nathaniel, but has a harder time because Nathaniel is a bit bossy and doesn't like it when Aaron does things on his own. In fact, I think part of the hitting and biting at school is Aaron getting frustrated with other kids who aren't following the rules and he just gets so mad. It's a theory anyways.

That's about it here. I will update again tomorrow with Benjamin's newest stats, but I'm sure he's doing well. He's outgrown his three month clothes already! Oh, and Aaron is at nearly 35 pounds and about 37 inches tall. It's CRAZY!

I will say this before I end this long post. Having three kids is amazing. A lot of people were telling me how hard it would be. It's no harder than having two kids and no hubby. The hardest part is when the baby is crying and one of the other ones needs something. I find that Benjamin cries more than the other two did (meaning, I have to leave him to cry while I finish up with one of the older kids). It hasn't seemed to affect him too much though, he is still all smiles when he sees one of us. Thank God that this kid cries when he has a dirty diaper though! I think I would forget to change him otherwise!