My heart ached tonight.

I honestly think that not having a bajillion things going at once has really lowered my stress level.

Okay, that was a 'duh' statement right there, but it's true! I thought that I would go mad being a stay at home mom, but it's actually kind of nice. I have the freedom to take the little man all sorts of places without having the stress of getting home and getting homework done or getting to class. Every day has been a new adventure. Today we went to story time at the library, yesterday was a trip to the dentist and playing at the park, we've gone to Disneyland and tomorrow we are heading to the zoo. I'm actually enjoying this more than I thought I would. Sure, I get bored at times and I never thought I would be the type who looked forward to games of Candy Land, but I'm really enjoying this time!

Tonight, after bath time, Nathaniel wanted me to pick him up while he was wrapped up in his bath towel. So I picked him up and he said, "Mom, I a baby! Cuddle!" So, we cuddled in his arm chair and I looked down at my little boy and got an ache in my heart. I remembered two and a half years ago when Nathaniel was born he was placed on my chest with a blanket wrapped around him much like the towel was around him today. I don't remember much after that point because of passing out, but I do remember the awe I felt at having my child in my arms at last (especially after 31 hours of labor). I got sad for a minute because I see my little baby turning into a little boy and I know that before I realize it he will be a teenager and then an adult and I will get to let him go and live his life. So, I told Nathaniel a little bit about when he was born and told him that soon his little brother would be born. Then Nathaniel got into pretend mode and wanted me to pretend cry so he could comfort me with his blankie (it's a game he plays, he wants me to be a baby and cry so he can comfort me with a toy or his blankie. Then he takes it away from me and wants me to cry again). I actually almost really cried because the last two and a half years have gone so fast.

At least I get to do this again. But, there will be the day when I'm done having kids and my little ones will be "big" ones who will have their own lives and it will once again just be Sam and I. Thank goodness I get to live the experiences between now and then.