Monday, April 21, 2008

Idiots make me angry: or "the many tired ramblings of Carrie"

I know, I know, two blog postings in one day. This can only mean one thing. Major project time. Yes, I acknowledge that I have a 14 page exegetical paper due in Hebrew in one week and that I currently have zero pages written (all of my research is done, I'm just trying to format the paper and figure out what I'm going to focus on, it's actually all really fascinating...). I just have a lot on my mind and have to blog it.

My Hebrew professor said something awhile back that made me think. He usually has these great nuggets of wisdom that he throws out there that I jot down in the margins of my notebook to use later when I'm teaching my students. But this one, I didn't have to wait to use. "Idiots make me angry." Well said, Dr. Curtis, well said.

Let's just say, as of late I've interacted (well, not exactly interacted as have been in very close proximity of) with some idiots and have had to literally bite my tongue to keep from saying something that would damage my reputation and the ministry. I can't even go into much more detail than that because I don't want to gossip or portray anyone in a bad light...*sigh*.

On a completely different topic (kind of)...I hope no one thought that I was seriously angry or sad about Nathaniel learning how to eat an oreo without me! I just find it interesting when Nathaniel has learned something new and I wasn't around to witness the 'learning' part of it. Like the other day when I was trying to get him to pick up his crayone (a very long battle...ugh!) and I was slowly saying, "!" and he was signing (or at least making up signs) to every word, and completely not listening to what I was actually saying. I guess teaching him sign has been working.

I realized just now that this might just be rambling, sorry. Bear with me and feel free to stop reading this at any time. This is just exhausted Carrie blabbing. I guess borderline exhaustion is like just makes you ramble on and on...

Someone said something to me the other day that made me wonder if some people don't think I consider being a mom a priority. I won't say the exact quote that was said to me, but it made me think. I wonder if people who see me regularly, but don't really know our family situation understand how things work for us. Sam and I don't put Nathaniel in daycare. Not only can we not afford it, but we felt when we had kids that it was our responsibility to care for them and help them grow. Of course, we use sitters when we have to (probably a few times a month, depending on the month and our schedules) but we're home with Nathaniel all of the time (at least, one of us is). It frustrates me when people (especially those who are blessed enough to be called to be stay at home moms, my hats go off to these amazing women) think that I consider work or school to be more of a priority than my family.

Again, I quote my professor..."Idiots make me angry!"

One more thing, if anyone is even still reading this random rambling blog post...I love being a mom. Even when Nathaniel is in the midst of a stage where all he does for 2/3 of the day is cry and throw a fit (because I won't let him watch t.v. all day long), I love being a mom. I love watching my kid discover things. I love watching him play pretend and care for people around him (the other night he kept trying to feed our friends' dog plastic food from the toy kitchen). I love that my kid thinks I'm the neatest thing and begs me to sing him a song at night. I love watching my kid "pray" to a God he has yet to fully discover, and I love that Sam and I get to teach him about that God. I love that when I sing him "Jesus Loves Me" he immediately says "More!" when I'm done, and in anticipation of certain words acts it out (shouting "Strong!"). And I love the fact that Nathaniel no longer refers to himself as "you!" (since we always point to him in the mirror and say, "That's you!") but actually put his hands on his own chest today and said, "Me!" when I was singing. I love it all. It reminds me of what is most important and so, I don't feel bad when my homework sits untouched because I'm cuddling with my son or building with blocks or reading stories to him.

Overall, I love where I am and what I'm doing. I love being a mom, a wife, a student (okay, not so much student...) and a youth pastor in training. Even though I'm exhausted and don't sleep and haven't ran in over a week...I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world and I wouldn't change a thing...

Except for the idiots.

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